Joys and Anxieties of a Mummy.

Every parent is obsessed with firsts because its nice after all the months of limited animation for your baby to progress, and once they start, an infants' firsts, by their very nature are constant.

As a stay at home mum my sole job is to take care of my baby, entertain, feed, stimulate, develop, educate, same as any parent regardless of employment status, difference is the pressure I feel for my baby to perform as she gets 1 to 1 all day from me, I feel it's my total responsibility. So I do feel all the firsts as being a personal achievement, this probably also comes from my lack of stimulation in the workplace that other parents obviously get from working.

The amount of firsts this week has been bumper, she has lost hours sticking magnets to the fridge, to each other and back on the fridge via the front room. I showed her this only yesterday at stay and play and she has gone mad for it. Day before was putting blocks one on top of the other, I kept building them, she knocked them down - quite violently actually, I thought she had a real issue with building! But we sat and played and took them out of the truck and put them back in and suddenly it clicked, she built the blocks, one on top of the other. Fab, I was so proud! Then she knocked them over.

Sat in a waiting room on Tues I gave her rice cakes to keep her occupied. After having read her books several times over, recited rhymes to ad nauseum and when her walking direction could no longer be controlled, out came the snacks - never fails. I got her teddy and started to 'feed' De Li (a pink character from Waybuloo), she copied and now all her bears get to share her snacks. Its so cute.

Walking backwards was her new thing yesterday and today rubbing her tummy to show she is enjoying food she does with a nice little grin on her face all smug! Waving has been a hard one, wave hello, wave bye bye, how confusing, but she got it, and now most people round our area have been waved at!  She waves bye bye to the house as we leave, her cot as we leave her bedroom, the toys, everything. Gorgeous.

I have struggled a bit with being a 'homemaker', found it hard to ignore comments about my wasted career and any foundations I have made. The patronising but trying to be sweet 'you don't go out much though anyway so you'll manage', as they question my fanancial situation. I find myself making excuses of 'I worked too far away', 'the Far East travel wasn't manageable with a baby at home, it's too demanding', etc. etc. as they say 'I couldn't do it, I've always worked', as if I haven't.

Fact is we all have our different ways of looking at things and you can argue each side. I cast no judgement on anyone, but feel judged by all. But since I know my faults, main ones being that I always was uptight and always take things to heart, this is nothing new.

But forgetting the doubts, the judgements (which may or may not be in my head), while the rest of the world is working, I am able to slope on back to bed with my baby during the day for cuddles and snoozes, and that is well worth the pressures and anxiety of any issues my head comes up with.

Only in Liverpool???

It's been a regular topic of conversation in this part of the world and I have seen variations a plenty in the 10 years of being in Liverpool. Wearing pyjamas out in the street. To go to the shops. Yes, you read that right. I am a non-judgemental character, and while this activity is not for me personally - and God knows I have left the house in some right states - but never in a stained, once white dressing gown on a Sunday afternoon at the only shop open for miles around. (Due to Sunday trading laws most shops shut at 4 on a Sunday afternoon).


You see, my baby has the chicken pox - not picked up from York I hasten to add - probably from one of the groups I take her to, but glad to get it out of the way to be honest. Poor little mite, blisters all over her head. This is self diagnosed as the GP said it was not Chicken Pox and she didn't know what it was. But with the help of the trusty internet and its many pictures and descriptions I will take a gamble and say it is the CPox. So how to treat it - porridge oats??? Suprisingly yes. It seemed to relieve the itching for her.

For 2 days during its most intense period I subjected her to cool baths in porridge oats 3 times a day. She screamed the place down - it was cold. I rationalised it to myself that it's only the same as swimming - yes where we cuddle each other really tight 'til we are warmed up, and splash and kick to send the blood round to speed up that warm front. I was not present in that cold vat of porridge. It was for her own good.

Then scared about the risk of infection leading to potential life long scarring I changed her romper and towel each time and washed her bedding each day. Looking after the sick is hard work.

Anyway back to the story, we were in quarantine so I had totally kicked back, relaxed hair, no make-up, scruffy joggers and tee. Ran out of coffee I went to the shop on a grey Sunday afternoon which was teeming with rain. Oversized raincoat on, hood up and head down to ensure I didn't see anyone in this state I barely looked up as I walked in. Til I saw the wet dirty slippers wander in. I think we all looked twice as they brazenly strolled in.

It's not exactly common, but once or twice a week I see (always girls) wandering round in their PJ's. They are so obviously PJ's too. With penguins on, cow print etc. It poses so may questions though. Are these special day PJ's? Did they wear these for bed last night? Will they wear them tonight? Have they underwear on under there? (That is asked purely for hygiene reasons).

I just find it bizarre. And a noteable experience as it was the worst of it's kind to date.
 (Just a footnote about the porridge - it was porridge oats placed in a muslin cloth and held under the tap as the water was running). No edible breakfast cereal was present.

P.S Baby on the mend.

Independant Little Miss.

Our weekly library visits are lovely (apart from last week - see previous post!), we play first with the medical box or the play groceries. The kids are learning to share and interact. Mum's catch up on their progress and new funny ways. Then its nursery rhyme time followed by a story. All the kids grab a cushion and sit watching the storyteller turn the pages and it can go either way, listening intently or fidgeting.

Then its time to go choose our books. We have words and pictures books at home and the board books so I always get story books to read. This week I chose 'I'm BIG enough now'. The tale of a baby elephant who wants to go off on adventures exclaiming "I'm big enough now". Ending up in situations that baby is unable to cope with along comes his 'wise, old mum' to help out. They end up having great  fun together and baby decides to wait a while before resuming the adventures as actually he's not big enough yet.

I have read this book several times now and cannot get to the end without crying. OK, I am a softy tearful sort, but this is quite ridiculous. I love this book and despite the tears will be buying a copy to keep, its wonderful, with a great sentiment and moral - 'mum knows best'!

I told my dad my reaction to reading this book, and he said that when I was younger I could not believe I wouldn't always live with my mum and dad. I was horrified at the time! But as I grew I couldn't wait to move on!

Baby's have to grow up and it's a parents' job to give them independance and life skills to help them move on. Always good  to go home though! 

Lots of love to my mum and dad, and my baby. xxx

Stroppy Teenager??

We never recovered from that episode this morning and it was sulks all day. My usual eye to eye contact with the message of 'thats unacceptable behaviour' really did not work, nor did a 2 hour sleep. Phew! It was a hard day.

She isn't 13 years, she's 13 months! And today, overtired and stroppy that bottom lip was stuck right out after I had to tell her off for snatching a book from her playmate and throwing it on the floor!

How red did my face go. When the mums and tots get together you can hear constantly, 'don't snatch', 'you must share', 'that isn't yours', and today I was just too late!

I introduced her to crayons and drawings later on and she made some actual marks in between eating them! How proud. Put it on the fridge and everything!

So, to my baby, all is forgiven and next week before our library visit I will ensure a snooze is taken to spare my blushes and keep the peace!

Action Station Procrastination.

My shop is not full because I procrastinate. I have set myself goals, lists, and targets when I know the only thing to do is just get on with it. And this week - I have achieved. My secret - Just do it. Thats it, no magic formula.

I had a few other sewing jobs on, and thought this week would be written off in terms of Etsy production, but I have actually cut the fabric for my next 2 bags.
Added the interlining.
Made the handles.
Cut the lining and stitched in the pocket - I remembered for this one. And now I am ready to stitch.

I just sat down and did it. I am truly in disbelief and now need to stop praising myself for a job that is still only half done. I noticed my babe does the same. She'll be doing something and is so busy looking for the praise, she loses concentration and fails to actually reach the end goal! Thats me, have I passed that on somehow? I hope not as its a really annoying self gratification tool which one could rather do without. But now I have realised that I actually do it I can work on it.

I will add it to the list!

For now though, check out my new bag! I love it and the 2 more I have on the go are in black and lace options so I think I have created an exciting product here!

Olganna WHAT?? Olganna WHO?

Left work to have a baby, now I have 2 -

My daughter is a year old and needs me so much it is humbling and wonderful and a thousand times better than I every imagined it could be.

The other is is Olganna. I need her! Keeps me thinking, keeps me creative, gives me something of my own. Getting in that workspace and spinning my bobbins making my bags is wonderful therapy and I have lost hours in the zone. I have made some wonderful things and its great to be able to share it with the Etsy community, indeed, the world in my shop.

I have so many areas I want to try but the bags come first. I keep reminding myself to stay focused, explore my ideas in 1 area til they are exhausted and only then I can move on. No signs of that yet as productivity has not been exactly as I would have liked - thats because I have too many ideas and need to focus!!!

Currently taking a week out to design and develop and then come back all guns blazing but with a plan.

My head is simply bursting with the fizzing wonders of creativity. Exploring, challenging what you thought was possible, what you thought you could achieve and suprising yourself all the time.

And I love it!!
Olganna WHAT?? Olganna WHO??

What a day!

My baby is 1 year old and we have celebrated today. Lots of family and friends came to share in her fun and brought smiles, kisses and presents. The car was FULL, we barely all got in for the hour long journey home (we had the party at my mums) and as soon as we hit the M62 she was well away. Snoring like her dad is doing now on the sofa behind me.

I have spent a week planning food, drinks, ice, jelly, party bags, and all he said all along was 'don't worry it will be fine'. At 2am this morning I was in bed thinking about ice, so I got up and made some more. Then worrying about jelly, so I got up and checked it. Early this morning I was preparing, planning, buttering, slicing and cutting. Then as designated driver I am only now at 9pm having my first drink and only after unloading the car, unpacking the presents, packing away the old presents; she now has way too many, and washing up from this morning. I hear another set of snores on the sofa behind me. 

But thats mums isn't it, just do, do, doing all the time. He wouldn't have got any of it right anyway, and from where would my smugness have come as the compliments on the food came in. Of course my mum had a huge backstage role, as usual she worked very hard to make my day easier. 

I am pleased to report that we all had a lovely time and baby and daddy are resting now after a very hard day socialising. Mummy is enjoying a glass of wine and a catch up with her social network!

Pram Walking - Yeah Right!

Ow Ow Ouch. Could do them for false advertising!!

Wielding her whistle and stop watch our pint sized trainer is tough.

OK, so we may start off on a light stroll, but we progress quickly to a speed walk and finally a gentle jog. But thats just the half of it, as a gang of mums and their prams (complete with babies - we would look a bit silly with empty prams), take over the local park.

Reach the top of the path........and stretch. In full view on a busy main road and on a popular bus route - we make a traffic stopping show.

Warmed up we go into the park for the real thigh slimming, glutæus maximus busting squats and lunges. In (near) perfect symmetry we bend those knees and lift those arms, starting to feel the burn.

Baby crying? Don't worry, out of the pram they come for a cuddle and act as a very handy weight. No excuses for stopping. "15 seconds more. .....................3, 2, 1 and march it out."

The trainer tells us we just burnt 450 calories and to have a banana, but throughout the hour I have been thinking of the Kit Kat Chunky I will reward myself with and a nice brew. It could go either way!

Well the mums and babies survived another pram walk. Perfect start to the week!

So watch out light strollers, dog walkers, kids on push bikes and dads! If you go down to the park today (Mondays and Wednesdays 10-11), you're sure of a big suprise, or at least a chuckle!!

The First Time

The first time you touched grass - I saw today the wonder in a little girls eyes as she touched the grass for the first time.

Perturbed by the green stuff at the end of the rug it was wary, thoughtful and cautious.
Once touched it was excitement, curiosity at the texture and coolness.
Then joy as it was apparent you could rip it out at the roots and have a bunch of spiky green stuff in hand.
Then she was away, wonder and amazement all over as the realisation hit that this was new turf - literally, a new stomping ground and a whole of stuff to explore.

Roll on summer and lots of days in the garden. Over and out. Night night